The question is not whether offences will come in your relationships, that’s not the question. They are going to come. The question is what are you going to do with them? That’s what determines whether you are going to keep a strong relationship with God, with others, with yourself.
So my mum was telling me that they were at my grandmother’s house for thanksgiving and she made some stuffing and the way I understood the story, my dad was in there eating his mum’s stuffing and while he is eating his mum’s stuffing trying to give a compliment to his mum, he says “Mmmm, mum nobody makes stuffing like you. I mean other people try to make stuffing but nobody can make it like you.” And while he is saying nobody can make stuffing like you, my mum is thinking nobody will make stuffing for you except your mum so you better invite your mum to be your cook and my mum said
“I didn’t make that man stuffing on thanksgiving for the next six years.”
And when I told her can I tell the church this story, it is a very good illustration? She said “Yes as long as you clarify that I really do make better stuffing than your grandmother.”
Sometimes it is not what they say but what they don’t do, that is unmet expectations. That is the breathing ground of offences in relationships, unmet expectations, and the breathing ground of unmet expectations is unexpressed expectations. You have to learn how to talk to people.
You are going to have a million offences and sometimes the things you liked about her when you were dating her will drive you crazy now that you have to wake up with it everyday. Before you married him, he was the life of the party and when he walked in, he just talked and lit up the party, but now, ‘Why won’t he never shut up?’
If you leave your relational life on the basis of I’m not apologizing first, I apologized first the last time, if you don’t learn how to deal with these things, you find yourself in prison.
The enemy’s agenda is destruction, his strategy is division, his tactics is offence. Thankfully, God has given us another way to deal with offence. If only we had an example of someone who had every right to be offended, somebody who had every right to hold it against us, somebody who had every right to stand in a distance but opened His arms and said this is the way of relationship. The Lord gave me a very specific word for somebody who needs reconciliation in their relationship, if they are going to stay like they started, if we are going to get back to how we were, you have to learn how to drop it and I don’t mean suppress it, I don’t mean you don’t deal with what has happened but after the conversation then I’d like pancakes on my birthday, then drop it.
The moment the offence come, because you can’t always control what’s handed to you but you can control what you do with it, you have to learn how to drop it. The enemy always wants you to drive it down deep and miss all the reason why the person has walked into your life and miss all the things they’ve done for you but God says drop it.
It is so important that Jesus said that if you are in church at the altar offering a gift and a sacrifice but the primary relationships in your life are dysfunctional and need reconciliation, you can’t even properly connect with God unless you drop it.
Being married or being in a close relationship is not about how you can get easily offended but how quickly you can get over it.